What is seen and unseen
Below is an excerpt from my journal.
“The anticipation and nerves consume my mind in a flurry of thoughts. There is an intense desire to Dan home mixed with a fear of what it will be like. We have changed. God continues molding us on His Potter’s wheel. We are new creations at every turn and at every press of His hands. Will we still fit together? Those little compromises we have lived without for six months, will we be willing to pick them up again? I’ve changed shower gel. We used to share shower gel. I realized I prefer Caesar salad to spinach salad. Dan really only likes spinach salad. Will he mind switching to Caesar? What if our personalities have changed too much? We will have to get to know each other again. What if I have a hard time giving up how I have been doing things? What if he is distant because of his experiences in a war zone? Will he still love me the way he did before he left?”
As I wrote this last night I realized that this is not a thought process unique to me. It is at one point or another felt by everyone. I imagine all spouses feel this way when their husband or wife comes home from a deployment or prolonged separation. Maybe even newly empty nesters feel this way. Life moves on when we are not looking. I know sometimes I want God to hit the pause button for a little bit so I can relax before I have to head down the mountain after a mountain top experience or before I have to make a giant leap of faith off that very scary cliff.
I was talking to a friend this afternoon about this very thing when God reminded me of a time last August when I walked with a group of people on the beach at night in Nags Head, North Carolina (whoa! run on sentence.) Some of us walked with the flash lights and others walked ahead in the dark. What we saw with the flash light were little crabs all over the beach. You can imagine we walked very careful around them. The fear of stepping on one of those painful little pinchers kind of ruined the walk for me. There were however people without flash lights and they did not step on a single crab. That is because each time they were about to put there foot down, the crabs scurried away. Our walk with God is like this. Life is full of thousands and thousands of “what ifs” that could pinch us at every step. If we focus on them we are not going to faithfully take the next step. God’s mighty right hand is already preparing our next step before we take it. He desires for us to walk in joy and peace as we trust Him. He never intended for us to worry about getting hurt. When we do feel those pinchers grab a hold of our skin, it is not out of God’s control. It is to direct us back to God’s will or to strengthen and refine us. God’s healing hand is always with us.
“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body… So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” 2 Corinthians 4: 8-10, 18.
“The anticipation and nerves consume my mind in a flurry of thoughts. There is an intense desire to Dan home mixed with a fear of what it will be like. We have changed. God continues molding us on His Potter’s wheel. We are new creations at every turn and at every press of His hands. Will we still fit together? Those little compromises we have lived without for six months, will we be willing to pick them up again? I’ve changed shower gel. We used to share shower gel. I realized I prefer Caesar salad to spinach salad. Dan really only likes spinach salad. Will he mind switching to Caesar? What if our personalities have changed too much? We will have to get to know each other again. What if I have a hard time giving up how I have been doing things? What if he is distant because of his experiences in a war zone? Will he still love me the way he did before he left?”
As I wrote this last night I realized that this is not a thought process unique to me. It is at one point or another felt by everyone. I imagine all spouses feel this way when their husband or wife comes home from a deployment or prolonged separation. Maybe even newly empty nesters feel this way. Life moves on when we are not looking. I know sometimes I want God to hit the pause button for a little bit so I can relax before I have to head down the mountain after a mountain top experience or before I have to make a giant leap of faith off that very scary cliff.
I was talking to a friend this afternoon about this very thing when God reminded me of a time last August when I walked with a group of people on the beach at night in Nags Head, North Carolina (whoa! run on sentence.) Some of us walked with the flash lights and others walked ahead in the dark. What we saw with the flash light were little crabs all over the beach. You can imagine we walked very careful around them. The fear of stepping on one of those painful little pinchers kind of ruined the walk for me. There were however people without flash lights and they did not step on a single crab. That is because each time they were about to put there foot down, the crabs scurried away. Our walk with God is like this. Life is full of thousands and thousands of “what ifs” that could pinch us at every step. If we focus on them we are not going to faithfully take the next step. God’s mighty right hand is already preparing our next step before we take it. He desires for us to walk in joy and peace as we trust Him. He never intended for us to worry about getting hurt. When we do feel those pinchers grab a hold of our skin, it is not out of God’s control. It is to direct us back to God’s will or to strengthen and refine us. God’s healing hand is always with us.
“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body… So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” 2 Corinthians 4: 8-10, 18.
Comments
I only wish that I had journaled my days/feelings/etc. when my husband was in Vietnam. I lost so much of what was happening to me at that time. Time has a way of sneaking it from our memory.
Hope that you are enjoying your time with Dan. He will be changed, and so will you. You cannot start over or take up where you left off, but with God's grace and His help you can continue on in your Marriage together allowing Him to bring about the healing and restoration that will be needed.
Blessings to you, Grams