Tulip Girl

So today, Sarah drags her diaper bag over to me, takes out the changing pad and lays on it right there in front of me. So there you have it. I really wanted to wait until, oh I don't know, after Christmas. The girl is only 19 months and she is dragging her potty chair around the house saying "Potty potty". She says "Diapa chi" and then squats to pee in her diaper. So next week I'm going to take the leap and go diaperless (which means we will be spending a lot of time in the kitchen) and try that way. Honestly potty training for what ever reason, good or bad, scares the pejebers out of me. Any advice is much wanted.

So, I was perusing articles on the web earlier this evening and came across THIS article which is a list of the things modern moms do. I don't normally comment on articles that disguise themselves as blogs (but often comment on blogs). This time I just had too. After reading the article, I wrote something along the lines of, "Moms for centuries have been living under the pressure to live up to someone else's standards for how to be a cool mom so the modern mom would take this list and recycle the paper it came on and go do her own thing." Take that people who try to tell us what we are supposed to do! Well, now that that is off my chest. Miss Wiggles and I went to the SPCA today. It was not however to get an animal. Our SPCA has a petting zoo in it. I'm not sure what it is about animals (I cried watching Babe) but Miss Wiggle's first time seeing chickens, goats, llamas and even a kangaroo got me all choked up. The moment was saved from my sappy over load when ...

One thing about grieving...or at least my grieving, is the desire for escapism, something else to think about. Right now, I am obsessed with my wardrobe. I've disected it and looked into the styles that are out there, consumed anything about the upcoming fall fashions, the last fashion weeks in Milan and New York. I've become something of a junkie. Then again, I design jewelry so it must not be all bad right. I have discovered that I lean towards preppie fashion with a little rebellious rocker thrown in...or I want to have a rebellious rocker thrown in. I do have one band t-shirt...from a Christian band made up of high school kids. Moving right along. Autumn is my favorite time of year though and I am excited to pull out, wash and revive all my fun and cozy sweaters. There is my tried and true rib knit army green pea coat (did I write that right?) style sweater with hood. Discription enough for you? It needs a little work as there seems to be quite a community of little pills ...

It doesn't get much better than that. Things are good right now. Thank you all for your kind words. You know, it was a lot easier this time around. There wasn't the fear that it just wasn't ever gonna work for me since I have Miss Wiggles. Having her also meant that I had no choice but to keep going, to play, to smile and laugh for her. I still grieve the loss. My dad has predicted every child in our family and a few friends as well. He always knows whether a boy or girl will be born. He has never been wrong. So when he said I was pregnant with a boy, I didn't doubt. So my little Owen is with Adam and Charis. I always have a picture of a playground in Heaven. I know that isn't Biblically accurate but I do none the less have a picture in my mind of my children and my friends children and my own sibling and my nieces in Heaven in a really big play ground that is red with sand and blue accents. There is the little ones, all of them that I love and can't wait to...

I wanted to pop in just for a moment. Maybe its because I miss you and because writing here is cathartic. It happened again. Again! Yet another miscarriage. My heart hurts. I can't make decisions. I actually had a small panic attack yesterday. I don't know how to handle this, how do I convey how I am feeling or how I am doing? I either don't share enough or I over share. I am either hyper in control and clean something or I stand in the hair product isle not being able to make a decision like buying hair gel for my husband. I have Bible verses I cling to. They help. Mostly I am consumed by a feelings of being overwhelmed and feeling out of control almost like a standing in the road staring at a car coming at me but not being able to move. There isn't anywhere to jump out of the way. I'm just here and its unfolded and that is all there is to it. Sunday night was super difficult because that meant another week was starting leaving last week behind, leaving Owen behind...