Again?! Seriously?!
I wanted to pop in just for a moment. Maybe its because I miss you and because writing here is cathartic.
It happened again. Again! Yet another miscarriage. My heart hurts. I can't make decisions. I actually had a small panic attack yesterday. I don't know how to handle this, how do I convey how I am feeling or how I am doing? I either don't share enough or I over share. I am either hyper in control and clean something or I stand in the hair product isle not being able to make a decision like buying hair gel for my husband.
I have Bible verses I cling to. They help. Mostly I am consumed by a feelings of being overwhelmed and feeling out of control almost like a standing in the road staring at a car coming at me but not being able to move. There isn't anywhere to jump out of the way. I'm just here and its unfolded and that is all there is to it.
Sunday night was super difficult because that meant another week was starting leaving last week behind, leaving Owen behind. My dad has predicted boy or girl for every child in our family and several friends. He has never been wrong. That is how I know he is Owen. So we left Owen behind. At least that is how I feel. I hardly know how to move forward with this but then I move forward anyway. I absolutely love that I have Miss Wiggles. We play together, take more time at the park, and I spoil her a little more... a lot more.
So here I am Adam, Charis, and Owen. It will be some kind of reunion when I get to Heaven someday. That is for sure.
It happened again. Again! Yet another miscarriage. My heart hurts. I can't make decisions. I actually had a small panic attack yesterday. I don't know how to handle this, how do I convey how I am feeling or how I am doing? I either don't share enough or I over share. I am either hyper in control and clean something or I stand in the hair product isle not being able to make a decision like buying hair gel for my husband.
I have Bible verses I cling to. They help. Mostly I am consumed by a feelings of being overwhelmed and feeling out of control almost like a standing in the road staring at a car coming at me but not being able to move. There isn't anywhere to jump out of the way. I'm just here and its unfolded and that is all there is to it.
Sunday night was super difficult because that meant another week was starting leaving last week behind, leaving Owen behind. My dad has predicted boy or girl for every child in our family and several friends. He has never been wrong. That is how I know he is Owen. So we left Owen behind. At least that is how I feel. I hardly know how to move forward with this but then I move forward anyway. I absolutely love that I have Miss Wiggles. We play together, take more time at the park, and I spoil her a little more... a lot more.
So here I am Adam, Charis, and Owen. It will be some kind of reunion when I get to Heaven someday. That is for sure.
Comments
wb