The choices of these last six months are sorta bitten me in the butt.

As Dan and I realize that moving isn't in our near future, we have dug back into our life where we are at now. Unfortunately we pulled away from relationships, ministry and other things for six months so we are now reaping the consequences of that choice and let me tell you, that is a bite in the butt. I am very passionate about influencing others towards a passionate love for God, a love for His word and realizing I missed out on serving God and loving His people over the last six months, that hurts.

Though I turned away from all that these last six months could have been, I am thankful God does not give up on me as easily as I give up on Him at times. Dan and I have been having some awesome conversations on what a purposeful walk with God looks like, one with a fierce determination to choose Him every time. We haven't chosen that in the past, but we are not without knowledge we can choose that for our future. I have been praying for those that can hold us accountable, challenge us as well as those we can encourage and hold accountable. While these last six months were lacking a certain amount of action on our part, God never stopped working and I can see we have have been strengthened, matured, educated, humbled and am readily seeking to apply all of it to where God has for us now and for the future.

Through the realization that everything is temporary our time in one city or just simply, our time on earth, I want to make the most of it. I feel that feeling like I'm supposed to be doing something and I need to get on it that feels a lot like how you feel when you feel like you've forgotten something, left the oven on or curling iron or something. I haven't slept well lately because my brain is in constant forward motion like if I stop, I'll miss it, maybe I'm trying to make up for what I lost. Who knows. "In all things through prayer and supplication, make your requests known before the Lord and he will give you a peace that surpasses all understanding." has been my bed time mantra to get me to fall asleep. I went to a military doctor years ago for anxiety and that verse was his prescription, no medicine or specialist referral, just this Bible verse. That was the best medicine I've ever received. I haven't looked back. I want to know God's word like that, that an applicable verse can just pop into my head whenever.

I heard someone say once, "I don't know the Bible but I do know how I feel." I know how I feel is fickle and it changes. I can't imagine letting my own changing opinion be my compass. God's word though never changes. Lacking consistency in myself, I crave the consistency of God's word. I just hope I live my life in a way that reflects that.