LEAVING, CLEAVING, WEAVING a guest post by Minister Warren Baldwin

As I have traveled about the blogosphere finding exciting new blogs and making new blog friends, one friend in particular I am thankful to have is Minister Warren Baldwin at his blog Family Fountain. His blog posts about family and Bible studies have been a real joy for me. I am thankful to have this Minister Baldwin guest blogging here today. I pray his words will be as much a blessing to you as they have been to me.

LEAVING, CLEAVING, WEAVING

"The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man.’ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Genesis 2:23-24

No human relationship is as exclusive as that of marriage. We share parents with other siblings; we share friends with other friends; we even share our children with another parent, but we share our spouses with no one else. We share an intimate connection with our spouse that includes emotional, spiritual and physical dimensions.

The emotional need for feeling cherished, connected and fulfilled is met by our partner who greets us with a kiss and warm embrace. A loving gaze and approving smile received from our mate communicates appreciation. A beating or defeat received in the marketplace is more easily processed when we have a spouse to listen to our hurt with understanding and concern.

Spiritually we share a bond with our spouse that was formed in the presence and with the approval of God himself. He made man and woman for partnership so neither would be alone (Gen. 2:18). It is God who made the woman and "brought her to the man" (Gen. 2:22). When we stand before the minister at our wedding and say "I do," we reenact this great moment when God was the officiant at the first marriage ceremony.

Our physical connection is fulfilled by having someone to share the passion of our heart and body. While some Christians have held a dark view of sexuality, the biblical witness is that God is the author of our bodies and passions, so they are not dirty or unholy. Granted, they can be expressed in ways that are impure and wrong, but that is our misdeed, not God’s. In 1 Cor. 7 the Bible urges men and women to marry to express their passions for each other (vs.2-9).

The marital relationship is so exclusive because in no other human relationship can these emotional, spiritual and physical needs be met so fully. Friends can confirm our value, pray with us, and enrich our lives in many ways, but only in marriage can we say, with Adam "Ah, flesh of my flesh, my one and only, my true companion."

This exclusiveness is described by three concepts we can find in Genesis 2:23-24. The first is leaving. God said a man will leave his father and mother. This doesn’t mean the relationship with our parents is severed at marriage. Parents can continue to exert a healthy presence and influence in our lives after our marriages, but, they now take second place. My grandfather emphasized this point to me when I was a teenager. "Before a man marries, his mother is the most important woman in his life. After he marries, his wife is the most important woman in his life and always will be. He’ll always honor his mother, but his wife comes first now." While a healthy mom and dad will still be involved in their kids lives, they will exercise restraint when it comes to offering unsolicited advice and making what they regard as helpful intrusions. If they don’t exercise such restraint, the young husband and wife will have to respectfully teach them to!

The next concept is cleaving; "and be united to his wife." Cleaving to his wife means more than a man embracing his wife in a literal hug, although it certainly involves that. He embraces her values, her thoughts, her goals, and she embraces his. Together they form a new union and family. From their embrace of each others’ lives will issue new life into the family unit.

Finally, there is weaving. "They will become one flesh." Before the "I do" a young woman walks down the aisle with her father. After the "I do" she returns arm-in-arm with her husband, their entangled arms a metaphor for the journey that will weave their separate identities into one. All their thinking, planning and dreaming now involves two. Their joy and sadness, anger and love will be shared. They weave a new oneness with a new set of photo albums, coffee mugs and family legacy.

Tremper Longman and Dan Allender, from whom I received the idea of weaving, wrote that to successfully weave a marriage "We must care less about ourselves than we do about our spouse" and "We must evaluate our heart toward God by the measure of how we love one another." (Intimate Allies, 241-2). When we can so focus on relationship building with this level of intensity and purity, our leaving, cleaving and weaving reaches a maturity that will sustain the love, nourish the marriage, and provide the level of joy God wants for every husband and wife.

Warren Baldwin, Family Fountain

Note: Thank you, Katie, for inviting me to guest write this post for your fine blog! I am honored. I enjoy reading your articles and following the growth of your wonderful family. WB