What started out as uninspiration God made something beautiful

When I first started blogging years ago, I don't remember what I read. I do know the last couple years I read a lot of blogs about parents with sick children and mommy blogs. Lately I have read a lot of DIY blogs. I suppose I'm kinda a mommy and DIY blog. I don't really have any defining blog theme like some seem too. I'm not a person with a theme in general anyway. Once I try to nail my blog down to something, I rebel against it. Weird. I thought about being super cheery, all DIY, all mommy, all Christian studies. I guess since I'm part all of that, I'll just let my blog be that too.

One thing I will add today is the not cheery side. I'm just going to let this post go where it wants too. I am stressed out ya'll! A couple things I have had to deal with since my early teens is both migraines and intense hormonally driven mood swings. Picture yesterday; morning started with such an intense high you would have thought I had a caffeine IV drip. I was like one of those super energetic motivational speakers. A Target employee asked how I was as he passed by, I gave him my best "I'm awesome!" response. At almost thirty years old which means 20 years of this, I wasn't fooling myself. I knew something was up, way up, and as the saying goes, what goes up must come down. For every high high there is a low low. I had a friend over and we just hung out and made necklaces and talked. I ditched the to do list 'cause I wanted desperately to relax to maybe cushion the fall I knew was coming. When it comes to physiological drops however do what you want, but it ain't gonna stop it. After my friend left, you better believe it, I crashed and I crashed hard. I couldn't think straight, I was exhausted, I was depressed and short tempered. I cried. I had wanted so badly to be calm and supportive when my husband came home. That so didn't happen.

It is hard for me to know what part of my stress is physiologically driven and what part is circumstantial. Believe me, Satan knows. He knows exactly what is what and he works like crazy to manipulate, confuse and lie to thwart any attempt at management. I couldn't manage it anyway not when hormones, migraines and what not play a role. Today I have the migraine, tense shoulders, queasy stomach thing and really all I can do is wait it out. I just pray and do what I can do and let the rest wait.

Something my pastor said comforts me. I've always wondered why God allows this. I then remember that it isn't so much that, but that God established free will at the beginning and part of choices is consequences. We all have seen what happens when parents decide to rescue their children over and over again from consequences of poor choices. God doesn't do that. He does however know how to use those consequences for our good. What my pastor once said is that it is a great possibility that Elijah in the OT was bipolar. As only one prophet for Jehovah, Elijah defeated four hundred prophets for Baal by calling down fire from Heaven and then commanding them to be slaughtered. After winning the battle he ran and hid from his enemy, Jezebel (you know a woman's wrath and all), so depressed he wished he was never born. Not only did God use the faith made possible by Elijah's high high to defeat four hundred prophets, He used Elijah's low low to teach every generation there after about a very important aspect of God's character As Elijah hid in the cave, God came with a message.

The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake, came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. " 1 Kings 19:11-13

To some it may be ridiculous or even just far reaching to think that Elijah was bipolar but I can only guess that for thousands of people that possible truth can give them hope. Dealing with my own physiological factors I very much hear what God's point was. God is not my storm, He is my constant peace. It is easy to cling to myself when I am able but when I am not, I can only cling to my God and who He has proven Himself to me.

El Roi: the God Who sees

Jehovah - Shammah: the Lord is there

Jehovah - Shalom: the Lord is peace

Jehovah - Nissi: the Lord is my banner

Jehovah - Rapha: the Lord that heals

Jehovah - Jireh: the Lord will provide

Jehovah - Mekoddishkem: the Lord sanctifies you

Sharing this is rather cathartic I admit, but before this passes I would be remiss in not sharing it. I know I am not the only one dealing with physical limitations. Whether chemical, hormomal, mental, or with bodily limitations such as blindness, deafness, etc nobody should feel that they really are alone (even if you deal with the aloneness of depression). We each have things in our lives that are outside of our control that act like heavy weights as we run our race. I want you to know I know and God knows and He is not that weight around your neck but He is the strength that will help you run despite it.