What of my daughter's perception of herself stems from my thoughts of myself?

I am seriously thinking of joining the Not Me Monday if it happens tomorrow at MckMamma's blog. I've got plenty to add to that blog roll that is for sure.

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I want to know about you now. I recently heard an argument regarding the self esteem of moms. If our daughters look like us, then what is our responsibility regarding how we view ourselves? If someone tells my daughter she looks like me and she knows I think I am ugly, wouldn't she then conclude that she must be ugly too? What do you think about this idea? How do you handle this with your own children. What if my daughter grows up and looks like a reletive who thinks herself unattractive? I can't wait to read your thoughts on this.

Comments

Warren Baldwin said…
Katie, this is a very good question you raise.
1) As parents we cannot think of ourselves as not looking handsome or pretty. Really, it doesn't matter, anyway! When I speak to youth groups at churches I sometimes say (jokingly) it doesn't how I look now b/c I got my wife 28 years ago. But, there is some truth to this: our kids don't care what we look like. They love us b/c we are mom and dad. So, we cannot allow ourselves to get hung up on our looks.

2) We didn't make a big deal about our kids' looks. We would tell them they were cute, looked nice, etc., but we tried to focus on things of more value: how they behaved, how they performed a task, how hard they tried, their good attitude, etc. We let them know we loved them just b/c they were ours.

As the kids get older they will be overly concerned about their looks, anyway, so we didn't think we needed to add to their anxiety, even insecurity.

This is an important question you have raised.
November 08, 2009 6:46 PM
Packer Family said…
I think that the foucus shold be on health. lot of women say I'm fat so I will go on a diet but I like to just eat healthy and if it keeps me looking nice great! I also think it is important for husbands to tell their wives how beautiful they are infront of their daughters. and ditto on Warrens comment.
November 08, 2009 6:53 PM
Katie said…
Warren thank you for your input. Having a different focus is important. I agree it is very important to focus on areas both in myself, others and my children that are healthy like their talents, behavior, attitude towards others, compassion, patience, etc.

Packer Family; Sam, I totally agree. In a world that focuses on looks, we as moms got a lot of other things to focus on like healthy eating, play work, role modelings service and integrity, honesty and so on.

Its funny, but the only reason before Sarah I would go out without makeup is because I was depressed. I don't do it now because I use that time to take care of her. I make myself presentable (comb my hair, brush my teeth) but looking perdie isn't much of a priarity when I go grocery shopping. I like that.
November 09, 2009 5:53 AM
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