Where grief dwells, joy can still pour out.
I wanted to follow up to my Monday Question because I have a burning question related to it. One of the comments related back to a verse, Romans 12:18, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men." Just so you are forewarned, this could be a trail of conciousness so just bare with me.
During the Thankisgiving to New Years stretch, most people will encounter family, possibly family they are succesful at avoiding all year long or are the recipients of another trying to avoid them all year long. Whatever the case may be, uncomfortable encounters lie ahead tarnishing the festive spirit of the season just a bit and distracting us from Christ's message.
You know, I wanted to know, just wrote out the question and then looked back at the verse and realized my answer to what do I do when it isn't up to me to keep the peace. I think I'm getting it. First of all, this verse does not say for me to make sure all are at peace during the Christmas gathering. It doesn't say its my job to fix, mediate, soothe or patch up everyone elses strife. I admit that I still don't know what to do with that one person who no matter what you do still finds some insult or slight no matter how hard you try to live peacebly. I don't have an answer for that and would love to know if you do. The answer to the first question is that you are only responsible for what you are responsible for. Those who choose to take slight even with your best peace offering; remember they rejected Jesus first because Romans 12:18 is for everyone and so is the command to forgive, love unconditionally, to love others as we love ourselves. Their rejection of you is a symptom of that. Don't see that as a write off either! That is the time to get on your knees and pray for them to be reconciled with Christ. A broken relationship with me is of little consequence in the long run. A broken relationship with Jesus is.
I want to stuff in here that Dear Abby can't help you either. Every family comes with it's own norms and rules for operation that sometimes excludes manners and commen sense. :)
Another thing I am learning is that we squirm under conflict becaus we don't like feeling badly. We try to make the grieving feel better because we don't want others to feel bad, we cover up our own struggles to not bring others down and sometimes we get angry at other's in their grief because we have our own backage and don't want to help carry anyone elses. GOD NEVER SAID THIS WOULD BE A PICNIC. Seriously, we need to feel our grief, share our grief and sit with other's in their grief. Really! God used the sermon on Sunday to bring to light some recent hurts I had been trying to hiding from. I squirmed and avoided and didn't get to where God could work this out in me because I was to busy trying to get out from under the sadness. My dear Hubby sat and let me just pour it all out, again and again to him trying to make sense of it. Now, right now, I am in the process of wearing this sadness and letting God shape me through it. The insentive to let it go and live with it was when I realized that I am the role model for Miss Wiggles of how to deal with rejection, pain, hurt and resulting anger. I can't do anything about the cause of my hurt, I've already done what depends on me, so now I am free to let go and let God take care of the rest. Honestly, I bare hurt because I love and that love I am not about to give up. Sometimes loving someone doesn't just come with the warm fuzzies, it comes with some pain as well.
I realize I am leaving out the gossipy details of my hurt but that part isn't important. I believe God wants me to share where I am at because at this time of year, I am not alone in this. Alot of people are going through December anything but merry.
The every moment that Jesus was joyous, laughing, singing playing with children, joking with his disciples, embracing his mother the knowledge of the pain of sin and the ramificatons and future events were still their in Jesus' heart. He bore the grief, the wooden cross was only the symbol of the cross he carried for his 33 years. Though the grief was still in his heart, joy poured out. I have sadness in my heart for lots of reasons really, a broken relationship, worries over those I love but I can rejoice, I can praise because first, Jesus told me he would carry my cross for me. All the contents of my heart, he promised to carry for me. All the events of the days to come, he is alraedy in them working them for my good and for the good of those who love him, not to make us comfortable but to make us better, to make us more like him who bared the sin of the world on his shoulders and still walked joyously because in the line of his sight lay eternity, beyond the end of his mortal life and into our eternal life with him. Like Peter distracted by the crashing waves and biting wind I will sometimes crumble under the sadness or grief but I will look up and lock eyes with Jesus and see my eternity and know all else is in his hands, not mine, not anyone elses, all in Jesus' hands.
And this I pray, that your love my abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ to the glory and praise of God. Philippians 1:1
During the Thankisgiving to New Years stretch, most people will encounter family, possibly family they are succesful at avoiding all year long or are the recipients of another trying to avoid them all year long. Whatever the case may be, uncomfortable encounters lie ahead tarnishing the festive spirit of the season just a bit and distracting us from Christ's message.
You know, I wanted to know, just wrote out the question and then looked back at the verse and realized my answer to what do I do when it isn't up to me to keep the peace. I think I'm getting it. First of all, this verse does not say for me to make sure all are at peace during the Christmas gathering. It doesn't say its my job to fix, mediate, soothe or patch up everyone elses strife. I admit that I still don't know what to do with that one person who no matter what you do still finds some insult or slight no matter how hard you try to live peacebly. I don't have an answer for that and would love to know if you do. The answer to the first question is that you are only responsible for what you are responsible for. Those who choose to take slight even with your best peace offering; remember they rejected Jesus first because Romans 12:18 is for everyone and so is the command to forgive, love unconditionally, to love others as we love ourselves. Their rejection of you is a symptom of that. Don't see that as a write off either! That is the time to get on your knees and pray for them to be reconciled with Christ. A broken relationship with me is of little consequence in the long run. A broken relationship with Jesus is.
I want to stuff in here that Dear Abby can't help you either. Every family comes with it's own norms and rules for operation that sometimes excludes manners and commen sense. :)
Another thing I am learning is that we squirm under conflict becaus we don't like feeling badly. We try to make the grieving feel better because we don't want others to feel bad, we cover up our own struggles to not bring others down and sometimes we get angry at other's in their grief because we have our own backage and don't want to help carry anyone elses. GOD NEVER SAID THIS WOULD BE A PICNIC. Seriously, we need to feel our grief, share our grief and sit with other's in their grief. Really! God used the sermon on Sunday to bring to light some recent hurts I had been trying to hiding from. I squirmed and avoided and didn't get to where God could work this out in me because I was to busy trying to get out from under the sadness. My dear Hubby sat and let me just pour it all out, again and again to him trying to make sense of it. Now, right now, I am in the process of wearing this sadness and letting God shape me through it. The insentive to let it go and live with it was when I realized that I am the role model for Miss Wiggles of how to deal with rejection, pain, hurt and resulting anger. I can't do anything about the cause of my hurt, I've already done what depends on me, so now I am free to let go and let God take care of the rest. Honestly, I bare hurt because I love and that love I am not about to give up. Sometimes loving someone doesn't just come with the warm fuzzies, it comes with some pain as well.
I realize I am leaving out the gossipy details of my hurt but that part isn't important. I believe God wants me to share where I am at because at this time of year, I am not alone in this. Alot of people are going through December anything but merry.
The every moment that Jesus was joyous, laughing, singing playing with children, joking with his disciples, embracing his mother the knowledge of the pain of sin and the ramificatons and future events were still their in Jesus' heart. He bore the grief, the wooden cross was only the symbol of the cross he carried for his 33 years. Though the grief was still in his heart, joy poured out. I have sadness in my heart for lots of reasons really, a broken relationship, worries over those I love but I can rejoice, I can praise because first, Jesus told me he would carry my cross for me. All the contents of my heart, he promised to carry for me. All the events of the days to come, he is alraedy in them working them for my good and for the good of those who love him, not to make us comfortable but to make us better, to make us more like him who bared the sin of the world on his shoulders and still walked joyously because in the line of his sight lay eternity, beyond the end of his mortal life and into our eternal life with him. Like Peter distracted by the crashing waves and biting wind I will sometimes crumble under the sadness or grief but I will look up and lock eyes with Jesus and see my eternity and know all else is in his hands, not mine, not anyone elses, all in Jesus' hands.
And this I pray, that your love my abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ to the glory and praise of God. Philippians 1:1
Comments
It is certainly something to go to God about on our knees.
http://chandlerpoppa.blogspot.com
I'm just here for a quick read. What you have here looks very good. I'll be back later to read it more careful and comment. You do touch on some heavy things. Good job.
It is through Christ alone that we can choose to love the unlovable- to forgive those who have hurt us. Humanly speaking-- I can't do anything on my own power but "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me", even be a conduit for love and joy in the midst of great pain.
Great post. Keep up the good work! :)
I think you are right that you are not responsible for someone else's response. You can't be. Rom 12:18 says that YOU do all you can to live at peace with all men. That doesn't mean you are responsible for other peoples' responses and attitudes, just your own.
Situations of family conflict are very sensitive. We have several family members that live a long way off from each other (like 10 hours or more) b/c they simply can't or won't function together. Problems are: lack of forgiveness, pride, long held resentments and anger, course jesting, put downs of others, etc., all contributing to open wounds, hurt feelings, etc.
What do you do when you show up at the same family/holiday gathering, though? You offer what you suggested in your post: "your best peace offering." They may accept it or reject it, you can't control that. Also, you might have, like I did, a family member offer an apology for one thing they did to hurt your family, when there were actually a long string of painful things they did to you and your family but won't admit, at least not yet. Well, we accepted the apology on the basis that it was offered, and try not to dwell on the things they haven't apologized for (and that is very hard).
Bottom line, you are trying hard to live a spirit-led, sanctified life. People will see that. Hopefully they will react positively to it; some may not like it. In either case, be as loving as you can. There may be little children watching, and 10 years from now they will say, "Aunt Katie, I need some help in life." That is actually what we are hoping for, that in the dysfunction and pain of some family interaction, we can be source of God's light and peace to someone in the midst of the darkness and chaos.
I don't know if this helps, but I think you are on the right track.
Warren