Destined to miss MOPS again but I'm not missing Jesus

We finally made it to the one year appointment. All is good. The shots I think are starting to effect her today. She feels a little warm so I suppose I'll keep and eye on that today. She doesn't seem to have much of an appetite either. We haven't made it to MOPS in the three months we have lived here. Seriously! It seems like every sickness hits every other Thursday. Its ridiculous. The cold several times, intense teething (teething is so hard on her), stomach bugs for all. Hopefully we will make it this week. Ok, as I wrote that last sentence I realized; slight fever, lack of appetite and I just put her back in

her crib and not even so much as a fuss. ~Heavy sigh~ Hopefully this passes quickly. Not likely.

I've been doing the Revelation study from Living Proof Ministries by Beth Moore with my church gals. Through out the study, we have been praying for our own revelation from God. As I feel like I have nothing in common with John save a mutual love of Jesus and salvation, my prayer has been not so much to have a revelation but that I at least be open to it. I don't expect a grand revelation but I don't want God's reason for not giving me one to be that I'm not able to receive it. I want to have faith like John. I just feel more like I relate to Peter in that my emotions propel me forward and sometimes get in the way. Peter was a great man of God though and he did eventually make it to that point of being completely sold out to Jesus. Right now, I'm just trying to keep my focus on getting to know the character of Jesus and over all, God Himself. I love my Abba King. I call Him that because while I can curl up in His arms and feel His loving and protective embrace, He is my King and I submit to Him and His authority as a daughter, as a citizen of the kingdom of Heaven already. I am a servant in His kingdom, available for Him to use to be glorified in and through. I think of Abba King as the combination of the familiarity and intimacy along side the reverence, respect and holy fear of who He is. I both run to be embraced by Him and fall at His feet trembling in awe of His power and strength. Does that make sense? I feel my inner sin nature struggle with me, at times blurring my vision to get a fresh sight of all that He is, my earth bound obligations tug at me, distract me and at times overwhelm me. I want to spend all day every day walking with Him, escape into the Garden of Eden to walk along side Him and listen to His words with no interruption. I daily give up my family to Him because my love for them sometimes threatens to take the throne in my life. Satan knows this and sin induced fear sets in and I am led away, doubt clouds my faith and trust. Then I go back and lay at His feet seeking forgiveness. I swear I'm wearing a groove between the alter and the door going back and forth. If only I could just stay there, stay at His feet, listen as Mary did. I'm no John but then again maybe that is what exile did to Him, took away anything else, left him with nothing but Jesus.