Thoughts from this girl's journey

It seems about the time I think I have made it to a high place in my journey, I realize I am already headed towards another steap incline or back down into another valley. I celebrate when God has another victory over my sin nature and I find myself in the very next breath smarting from the bruise of yet another shackle. I wonder, as anxiousness overtakes me, does God see how faulty I am, how when faced with the opportunity to follow Him, I am a wayward toddler running in the opposite direction? I desire to follow Him and yet here I am having to reach for His hand to draw me to Him once again.
I am comforted by the quote, "...Always go forward along the path of obedience as far as you know to until I intervene, even if it seems to be leading you where you fear I could never mean you to go..." by Hannah Hurnard in Hinds Feet on High Places. As I face the uncertainty of the future, social expectations, financial needs, and empty arms where two wee ones should be, I am reminded, "...yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights." Habukkuk 3:17b-19

This week I am with Dan in Raleigh and getting a lot of studies done I have been wanting to do. During college, I always wanted to go stay in a hotel for a couple nights but never did it. So now when I get the chance to go with Dan, I relish the opportunity to get done all the things I am to distracted to do at home. Its eliminating the guilt of walking by laundry or a dirty kitchen floor. I find myself immersed in God's word up to my elbows in scripture that is jumping off the pages internally illuminated like lightening bugs all of a sudden made visible. I grab them and hold on tightly hoping the make themselves permanently at home in my heart. Lately I need to keep my face down in the scripture and in prayer as I am an anxious child highly emotional. I envy those God fashioned to be more pragmatic, logical and driven. I'm not that way, I'm spherical, emotional and a dreamer. I have to remember that God made me this way for a purpose, "I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans for a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 I never meant to memorize that verse but God wrote it on my heart never the less. I realize that in my weakness He is made stronger. I pray this confession of a fellow weary traveler may spur you on in some way, encourage you as He encourages me. If so than I am very thankful you found me here.

Comments

SMITHNATION said…
I love when I have time to just relax and craw into my study. I think I am able to focus better on what I am working on in a hotel better because their is no distractions. Enjoy your free time to focus
June 04, 2008 4:41 AM
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