I am a Janah ummh I mean Jonah wanting to be more like Jeremiah.

I have renewed the follower list. Sorry I deleted it. I just was having a hard time with somethings last week and well, I was feeling a bit like the followers list can be sort of a popularity gauge sometimes. I consider it more of a blogging buddy list. Anyway, sorry about that, got a little overzealous and a bit self righteous I think. :( If you still would like to be my blogger buddy, then by all means, I welcome you. :)

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I've been really trying to get deep into God's word lately. There are a few things I want to know more about like right now, Jeremiah 'cause we are studying him in Sunday School, God's call for me as a follower of Him because I feel Him calling me towards something but my heart feels a bit like Jonah; trembling at the thought of it, and also a new concept that has been forming in my head.

A fresh truth for me about Jeremiah is that he struggled for a good part of his ministry with God's call to serve Him as a prophet and to remain single. Jeremiah struggled with God's call to give up his desire to live what we call the American dream and serve just God completely. He struggled with the sacrifices God called of him, but he did it anyway. Jonah followed God but not until after running away first and even after he did God's will, he still didn't get it.

This gets me a little bit because of what I hear God telling me. Its nothing new really, but God wants me to give up the desire to live comfortably in that He is calling me (as he does every Christian) to speak His truth in every area of my life and not step down because of persecution, fear of rejection or loss of personal dreams and desires. That's my sacrifice, being liked and not making ways. I don't like conflict. You see, God doesn't want just part of my life, He wants all of it. He wants me to use every outlet I have to share Him whether it is my family, my friends, my church, my blog or even my errands I run through out the day. This is quite uncomfortable for me. I'm a hypocrite in that I want others to follow Jesus, but I still struggle with giving Him all of my life. I want to share God's words, His truth but I don't want to be persecuted for it. God needs all of me though or I stand a fool, a useless tool unable to effectively serve.

The new concept, my pastor said the other day to have an open heart and a broken spirit. The world tells us to have an open mind and a me centered spirit. Well, a thought occurred to me to have a decided mind, an open heart and a broken spirit. What that means to me is to know God's word, study it, believe it and that is a decided mind. God's word explains that while He hates sin, he loves us the sinners so have an open heart. A broken spirit is essentially humility; what I deserve is death because of my own sin but what I get through Jesus Christ is eternal life. If I approach everything with that attitude the outcome would be a lot different.

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Anyway that is kinda it. I gotta go paint the window trim, door trim, base boards, doors and take care of a five month old (who I hear is waking up from her nap :). I'm not complaining about that though 'cause I love painting and I love love love that wiggly little five month old. :) ....if I posted this at night, I may have complaining, hey gotta be honest. ;)