An important meditation hit me as I rocked my daughter this evening.

I had an epiphany this evening as I rocked Sarah. I tell time, time doesn't tell me. I have run errands all day, my beginning of the month Costco run which means massive rearranging to get everything situated. The kitchen was torn up and Dan was on his way home with a cold. I knew there was lots to do but Sarah was looking at me with those pleading eyes. I thought she was tired but as we got to her room, she was throwing herself towards the glider. She just wanted to lay on my chest and rest. Melt my heart why don't you! With the kitchen cabinet's and pantry contents spewed out all over the place (did I mention I decided on a whim to realign the cabinets with contact paper 'cause I saw a dead bug?), and Dan home shortly, I just sat there. I sat quietly thinking as my daughter lay listening to my heart beat. I realized that there is no such thing as the wrong time or not enough time. At the beginning of our life, God divies out our allotted time. Its like a twenty dollar bill your mom gives you when you go to the county fair. You choose how to spend it. Time is like that, you choose how to spend it. I have time to be a corporate mogul, I just don't choose to spend my time that way. Dan and I had time to go to Europe a couple years ago. We just didn't choose to spend our time that way. That last one hurts when put like that because its always easy to blame time for it. I just didn't have time is really time I filled with something else. I need to remember that as I go about my day, choosing to spend my time.

What's with the introspection you wonder? I guess since I moved away from home, I know how much my mom misses me. I look at Sarah and I think that someday she will move away with me. Relationships change so easily and sometimes faster than I think they will so I hold tight to them as tightly as I can. Honestly our time is short and that is true. Anyway, that's my mind today.